Juss a lil taste…
My journey of walking with JESUS started during COVID. I believe I was 15 years of age, battling things mentally that started before covid but got worse during. In all transparency, I was pretty much doing whatever I wanted, except for the things God was protecting me from. I was smoking, drinking(at one point everyday), unauthorized fornication(that’s a whole blog post for another day), etc. And even though these things are normalized in today’s society, that does not mean they are right. But to keep it simple, I was wandering in the wilderness of life and got lost. I had moments where it felt like I would go numb, and a weird feeling would come over me. In those moments I just did not get life; I would feel afraid because I didn’t understand what everything was, where I was, or how it came to be. It was also this fear of not knowing why any of this is happening, why I am here on this earth, and where and how it will all come to an end. Back then, I didn’t know exactly what it was that I was experiencing, but looking back on it, I now know that I was being attacked by a demon known as “anxiety.” At first, those moments of fear would only last maybe a few seconds and the thoughts would not linger that long. But as I continually experienced these attacks, the thoughts started to linger longer and the weird feeling of being afraid became overbearing. Not understanding what it was or why it was happening probably made it even worse. It got to a point where it caused me to not want to be here on earth anymore, but for some reason I still had a desire to help people on this earth, but only if it was from above, in Heavenly Places. (I know this might sound crazy, but just hol on, you’ll understand it more as you keep reading.)
I am grateful that as a child my parents took me to Church frequently and sometimes even referenced things that are in the Bible. As the scripture reads, "Train up a child in the way he should go; And when he is old, he will not depart from it." PROVERBS 22:6 KJV. And I believe this is the reason why I did not just end it all myself…. I asked God to take me out of this world and to make me someone’s guardian angel. I literally PRAYED to GOD and asked Him to do it for me in my sleep. It’s amazing to me that even in my brokenness, lack of knowledge, and lack of relationship with God, I still knew enough to acknowledge His sovereignty in my life and the power that lies in His hand. That proves to me today that the HOLY SPIRIT had to be in me even then, guiding me in all my ways. It was the seed that had been planted in me as a child, lacking nutrients and crying to be watered, and God heard the cry of my soul.
COMMUNITY – How God used the people around me to bring me closer to Him
I don’t believe anybody close to me even knew, and I didn’t tell anybody what I was going through, but for multiple reasons. One reason is that anxiety would attack me mostly when I was alone, and at the time, I didn’t know exactly what it was that I was going through, so I didn’t know how I would explain it to anybody, nor did I think they would understand. Another reason is that the person closest to me and who I talked to the most at that time seemed like they were going through much worse than me. However, at some point I got tired of dealing with it alone, so I told my parents what I was experiencing, trying to explain in the best way I knew how. I didn’t know if I needed a therapist or what lol(I asked for it, but God had a better plan). So, as a result of the conversations I had with my parents, my mama sent me scriptures to read when certain feelings arise, so I read the one that helps fight anxiety/worry (that is what I accepted that it was). The first scripture I read on my own was PHILIPPIANS 4:4-9 KJV, “Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”
GOD and HIS WORD were my last resort. Even though I did not understand what I was reading, it was my last hope, so I kept reading it over and over and over again, hoping for a change. I remember at some point, I felt like giving up, and God sent someone to encourage me. I don’t remember vividly how this moment happened, but I was on FaceTime with my older brother, who had already been through things mentally and was probably still facing things even then. I told my brother what I was going through, and he understood because he told me he had been through similar things. During the conversation on the phone, my brother was encouraging me with the promises of God (in a way, lol). I don’t remember the exact words that were spoken, but I know that they were simple, they helped change my mind, and they gave me strength. He told me that “God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers,” and “God doesn’t give us anything we cannot handle or get through.”And he basically told me that the enemy (the devil) is a liar, who does not want us to succeed and fulfill the purpose that God has placed on us, because EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE. These words may seem cliche right now, but at that time these were the words that I needed to hear; in fact, they may have even saved my life. My brother even told me things about himself that I didn’t know, and the tears that were shed together made this talk even more special. I’m not completely sure, but he may have even reminded me of how our daddy taught us to pray the Lord’s Prayer. I believe this talk with my brother played a major role in what helped spark my journey with Jesus, and I pray that I can do the same thing for him and help him to see God as he helped me see God.
After the talk with my brother, I kept going and kept reading. Somewhere along the way I began praying more as well, as the scripture I read told me to. And every time that numb feeling came around, I went and picked up my BIBLE, and I read PHILIPPIANS 4:4-9 and I prayed. Then I started reading it before getting that feeling. Then I started reading it without getting that feeling. (I was fighting with the word before I even knew what it meant!) And next thing I know, the anxiety was gone. I wasn’t getting those numb feelings anymore. When I noticed that it had been a while since I had been attacked, I knew in my spirit that it was only the work of God’s hands, because I knew I didn’t do it on my own. I couldn’t have. So I got on my knees and Thanked GOD for what He had done for me. Reading that one scripture soon turned into me reading different books of the BIBLE without me noticing. Whether the HOLY SPIRIT led me to reading the Bible or praying, I did it. The LORD soon became my first resort. I started to understand what everything was, where I was, and how it came to be. God revealed it all to me in His word. Fast-forward, as I continue building in relationship and the knowledge of God, He has even shown me why I went through all that I did mentally… and part of the reason is why you are reading this now. God truly used it all for my good(ROMANS 8:28). So when anxiety tried to attack me again, as it still does to this day, I am reminded of the things that I have learned and read in His word and all that He has shown me and I have received from Him in my life. I turn my thoughts to things I know to be true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy. And very importantly, I PRAY, and give thanks for what the Lord has already done. Sometimes I just call out His name, “JESUS,” and I am comforted. I receive His peace that surpasses all understanding. And, fast-forward again, almost 6 years later, God is still keeping my heart and mind through Christ Jesus.
I used to wake up disappointed because I realized I was still on this earth, BUT GOD revealed Himself to me in a mighty way. NOW, THANKING GOD for another day is one of the first things I do when the Lord wakes me up. The LORD turned my life around and showed me how to live a life worth living. He gave my life meaning and granted me understanding and HIS wisdom THROUGH HIS WORD. I am just so Grateful and Thankful that the LORD kept me and continues to keep me.
To be honest, I feel like if I didn’t turn to GOD, I would have lost my mind, or went crazy. The WORD OF GOD set me free. God’s word healed me and continues to protect me from the attacks of anxiety. I continue to lean on the word of God, because The Bible was the difference between life and death for me. It continues to speak life into me everytime I read it. So whenever anxiety or panic tries to attack me, I pray and speak the WORD OF GOD over my life, focusing on what I KNOW to be true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of GOOD REPORT, and WORTHY OF PRAISE. And the Holy Spirit reminds me of all that I have learned, received, heard, and seen from God. Then, the LORD satisfies me with HIS peace that surpasses all understanding. And as I obey His word daily, God continues to guard my heart and mind through Christ JESUS, our Lord and Savior (PHILIPPIANS 4:7). Even when I fall short, the Lord’s grace and unconditional love abounds, and He still keeps me. And if you are struggling with anxiety today, or anything mentally, I can testify that GOD CAN AND WILL do the same and more for you. And if you are looking for community, God led you here for a reason. As is written on my about page(go check it our if you haven’t) this website is here to establish community. Feel free to comment your thoughts on each blog post. And if you need help, have questions about anything, or would like someone to pray for you just reach out in the comments or email me.(you can fill out a forum at the bottom of each page of this website). Community is everywhere nowadays, and God can use anything to communicate with you. For with God, All things are possible, so nothing is impossible for God to do. God healed me, and He can heal you too. All you have to do is believe that He can and He will. (MATTHEW 19:26). His word is filled with PROMISES, and ALL God’s promises, through JESUS, are YES AND AMEN (2 CORINTHIANS 1:20). And I can testify that when you OPEN YOUR BIBLE to the right pages and READ it, then the words written in that book can become more than mere words. They become life, they become strength, they become joy, they become peace, and they become whatever it is that you need them to be. Because God not only can do all things, but He is all things. I’m telling you what God has done thus far in my life, and who He is to me. God is my peace that surpasses all understanding, He is my joy that is inexpressible, He is my strength and has become my salvation (PHILIPPIANS 4:7; ISAIAH 12:2; PSALM 16:11; PSALM 18:2). The Lord saved my soul. And He can do and be the same and more for you…. In fact, he wants to!
I am living proof that GOD’S Mercy is everlasting and His Grace is sufficient(PSALM 100:5; 2 CORINTHIANS 12:9; PSALM 118:1). He truly worked it all out for my good and proved to me that His Word is truth (JOHN 17:17; ROMANS 8:28 ). I tasted the word of the Lord, JUSS A LIL BIT of it, saw that it was good, and kept going back for more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(PSALM 34:8) I sought the LORD, unknowingly, and I found HIM. I asked, and I received exceedingly abundantly above anything I asked for or thought I was going to get(EPHESIANS 3:20-21). I was knocking on the door of the TRUE AND LIVING GOD and He opened it widely and unhesitantly (MATTHEW 7:7). And GOD continues to prove the Truthfulness of His word and HIS FAITHFULNESS to me each day. HE continually transforms me into the image of His Son JESUS by renewing my mind through His word and helping me apply it to my life, DAILY(ROMANS 12:2; 2 CORINTHIANS 4:16). And because I know that I receive these things from THE LORD, I desire to give HIM ALL THE GLORY, ALL THE PRAISE AND RECOGNITION, ALL THE HONOR, and ALL THE THANKS, for it. He is the ONLY ONE who is WORTHY of it. GOD took me in, kept me, and gave me a purpose; a desire to help His people ON THIS EARTH through HIS word which helped me, and a desire to bring others into HIS presence so that they can also experience His peace that surpasses all understanding, live the life that God desires for ALL HIS CREATION to live, and receive all that God has promised to all who BELIEVE(PHILIPPIANS 4:7; JOHN 3:16; 1 JOHN 2:25; ROMANS 1:16).
So in Summary, this is why and how I have this ministry today. I asked the Lord to take me out of this world so that I could be a part of His Heavenly Kingdom. The Lord pardoned my ignorance, gave me HIS wisdom and understanding, and showed me how I can be a part of His Kingdom here on earth. God knew what my spirit was yearning for when I didn’t, and He satisfied it. I knew nothing else to turn to, so I had no choice but to turn to The Lord and Trust that He would show up and do something. So instead of letting anxiety and fear win, I chose(and continue to choose) to turn to GOD and His word. I didn’t understand it at first, but God helped me to understand it, even though He was my last resort. That’s just how Gracious and Merciful He is. Then I started obeying His word, I chose to pray instead of worrying, fix my thoughts on what I know to be true, and to Believe what God was teaching me through His word. I believed that He was actually doing something in my life, but frankly, it seemed like it was my only hope… and my last. But I Thank Jesus that my hope was not in vain, because God began guarding my heart and mind through Jesus, and I was able to overcome the attacks of anxiety. Then the LORD gave my life purpose and revealed to me how I will help His people here on earth; By sharing my testimony and spreading His word, the same word through which JESUS saved me, so that HE can reach and save others THROUGH me. And knowing this, I can REJOICE ALWAYS!(PHILIPPIANS 4:4) Because now I know that everything that I went through, am going through, and will go through is for a reason.
I am a witness to the truthfulness and faithfulness of GOD’S Word. God literally did exceedingly abundantly with the things I asked of Him in prayer(EPHESIANS 3:20). This is proof that GOD really does answer prayers, even when you think you are far away from Him. It’s just not always the answer we think He is going to give us. It may even be the complete opposite of what you wanted, but if you hold on and take what He gives you instead, you’ll notice that He gave you exactly what you need, and it may be even better than what you were asking for or expecting. That’s the power of prayer.
The LORD renewed me WHOLLY: my heart, my mind, my spirit, my body, and my soul. He led me to and gave me peace that surpasses all understanding as I read in HIS word. Now I turn to God first (most of the time lol, I’m still under construction!) But when I take the time to slow down and listen to the Holy Spirit I can CHOOSE PEACE when I choose to pray and/or meditate on the word of God instead of worrying or being anxious (PHILLIPIANS 4:6). I am glad to live in the presence of the LORD and I want others to experience it as well, and I believe I can do that by Testifying of the Goodness and Faithfulness of GOD, and through the guidance HOLY SPIRIT. ALL THANKS TO THE MOST HIGH, ALMIGHTY GOD, In JESUS HOLY, MIGHTY, GLORIOUS, MATCHLESS Name, HALLELUJAH, AMEN.
AFTERWORD
Many people may think that when we choose to follow Jesus we will no longer face any problems or difficulties. But because we live in a fallen world, this is not true. And because of this sad truth, some may be questioning in their heart, “Then what is the point of choosing to follow Jesus if there will still be problems?” Do not be discouraged my friend, it will not always be this way. There is still a reason to follow Jesus. Though your problems may not completely go away, they won’t affect you as they used to. With Jesus, Anxiety loses its power over you. With JESUS, you are able to overcome the schemes of the devil, like when he tries to get you to think about the “what ifs” of life, and you are able to do this because you know the TRUTH(JESUS). With Jesus, you are able to go through life without worrying about whether that problem will ever go away because you can claim victory in the midst of them, and you know Jesus will fix it. With JESUS, it’s like chains are loosed and strongholds are broken. With JESUS, your problems do not seem as big. WITH JESUS THERE IS NEW LIFE; NEW PERSPECTIVES(YOUR PROBLEMS DON’T SEEM AS BIG AS YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE BECAUSE YOU SEE THEM DIFFERENTLY!) Jesus is better than any temporary solution you use for your problems that come from this earth. Jesus is the permanent solution to ALL of your problems. You can ALWAYS depend on Jesus. No matter what you are going through or wherever you find yourself in this world, Jesus is never too far from you, even if you feel like you are too far from Him. You can ALWAYS lean on Him. All you have to do is call on JESUS, He will ALWAYS answer. If you are struggling with any problems of this life, whether mental, financial, physical, or spiritual, I challenge you to try Jesus today. Jesus was my last choice before my life changed. Jesus changed my life. He made me new. And I didn’t receive this gift automatically after I chose Him. I had to wait, but I waited in expectation, not knowing what to expect(does that make sense?) What I’m tryna say is when you choose God, your actions also have to say that you are choosing God. So while you are waiting for God to show up and do something in your life, CONTINUALLY PRAY. BELIEVE what you pray for. And if you don’t know how to pray, just tell Him what’s on your mind and give Him thanks. Whether you see it right now or not, there is always something to be thankful for, even the ability to talk and the breath in your lungs, because it is truly a blessing to be here, and God will help you to see that. CONTINUALLY READ GOD’S WORD and ask for understanding, and the Lord will guide you from there. This is what waiting in expectation looks like, even if you don’t know exactly what to expect, just EXPECT SOMETHING TO CHANGE. I pray that you hold on to this hope and wait patiently for God to do something in your life, because your praying, reading, and waiting will not be in vain. I am a witness, and I’m not telling you what I think, nor am I just telling you what I know, I’m telling you what I have experienced…. This is my Testimony.
“but they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (ISAIAH 40:31) “I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And DELIVERED me from all my fears……. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, And SAVED him out of ALL his troubles”(PSALM 34:4- 6)
LIFE SAVING SCRIPTURE
PHILLIPIANS 4:4-9 KJV
Fun Fact: I can actually recite most of this scripture by heart, but it may not be completely accurate lol #ChristianNotPerfect
“Choosing God was my last choice before receiving new life.”
“And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.” (REVELATION 21:5)
